Susieboldt's Blog

Random Comments from a Dreamer

Newfound Inspiration!

Lately, I haven’t been paying any attention to my novel. I didn’t give up on it though; its characters and story lines are never far from my thoughts. But what is most intriguing is the inspiration that I have suddenly acquired. I have never felt more inspired to continue on my journey of finishing this novel. Although, what strikes me as odd is how I received this newfound inspiration. Normally, after I’ve finished watching a heartfelt movie or heard a beautifully written song I can’t help but feel inspired. But, this time, my inspiration did not come from a great movie or beautiful song; it came from the most unexpected source…a crappy novel.

I have this obsession with books. I’ll buy a book even though I know nothing about it, read it, and then give it a place on my bookshelf whether it’s horrible or not. It seems it would make more sense to borrow the book from the library first to deem its worthiness, and then reward it with a place on my bookshelf if it is good enough. Instead, I need to know that the book I hold in my hands is my own, so I refuse to borrow from the library. Just the idea of having to return a good book gives me the shivers! So, every year I compile a book list and set out to get those books, one way or another. Most of the time my husband will take care of a few of those books during Christmas time, and I’ll get the pleasure of knowing every year exactly what I’m getting for Christmas. This is where my obsession comes in. I will read the books, all the way through, even if they are the worst books known to mankind and allow them a place on my bookshelf either way. I love the feel and smell of books. So, whenever I receive one, because it is mine and it feels and smells wonderful, even if it is atrocious I cannot give it away. I feel compelled to give every one of my books a place on the bookshelf, just because they are books.  

I just finished reading one of the books my husband bought me for Christmas. It sounded great on the back of the cover, and to be honest the ideas were great…the ideas. The quality of the writing however, now that’s another story. Here’s where my inspiration came from. I read the book, put it on my bookshelf, worthy or not, and smiled, knowing full well that my talent exceeds that author’s talent. If that author can write a book, than so can I. If that author can somehow magically make it on a best sellers list, than so can I. I was worried that my writing would never be good enough for publication, and now I am not. Thank you crappy book, thank you. I would tell you the name of the author, but it’s his or hers debut novel, and I’m giving him/her a chance to redeem their self before I critique his/her books on my blog.

So, after all that, I am happy to announce that my book is once again, in the works! I am in a wonderfully happy mood.

It seems that crappy books do serve a purpose. Hmm, who would have thought?

December 30, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Food Everywhere

I don’t know about you, but I have never eaten so much mashed potatoes and turkey in my entire life than I did over this past Christmas weekend! I am really proud of myself though because I didn’t overeat, I just ate normal portions. Although for some strange reason I felt full all Christmas. I can’t deny the fact that I snacked, considering that around every corner there was chocolate and candy, but I can honestly say that I did not over-snack. So then why was I constantly feeling full? I wonder…did anyone else feel this way as well?

I don’t know why we need to have so much food at Christmas gatherings. We eat normal amounts of food every other day, why should Christmas be any different? Mashed potatoes, turkey, stuffing, corn, salad, meat balls, and then there’s desert…and that’s not even mentioning dinner! This is the same meal that I had four days in a row this past weekend…I repeat…four days in a row. While it was delicious every time, I could barely eat it because each morning I woke up already full. I think I’m still full.

I wonder why the traditional meal for Christmas has become mashed potatoes and turkey. Don’t we already have that for thanksgiving? Or do I have it completely wrong? Is it only my family that eats the traditional Christmas meal of potatoes and turkey?

While I have a lot of questions, and not a lot of answers, to anything, I do however have a theory as to why I felt so full all Christmas. I believe that it was a mental thing, among the physical stomach aches of course. But being around food and watching people eat food all day seems like it would affect a person mentally, doesn’t it? I had the constant option of eating assorted chocolates, candy, and desserts, and everywhere I turned there was more food. I watched people take handful after handful of goodies and eat them as if they weren’t already full. I heard from somewhere that chewing can make a person tired of eating. If this is true than does watching other people chew also make you tired of eating? I definitely saw a lot of chewing.

It makes me wonder how people who are dieting avoid all those temptations.

December 29, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

My First Experience with a Hitchhiker

It’s official, I have partially redeemed myself. I picked up a hitch hiker! It was the day before Christmas Eve and I was coming home from McDonalds when I saw him, and I knew immediately that I had to pull over. I wasn’t sure if I could face another complete failure, and then allow myself to write about it on my blog, so pulling over really was my only option. I say I only partially redeemed myself because technically I recognized who it was that I picked up. I didn’t know him, just knew of him. He’s just one of those guys that everybody in my town seems to know. The only way that I could fully redeem myself would be to pick up a male hitchhiker whom I do not know. If you’re confused as to why the hitchhiker has to be male, check out my earlier blog post “The Hitchhiker”.

Even though I technically knew the man, I was still a little scared though. Not a lot scared, just a little. I think that hitchhiker fear has been placed in my mind because of how many times movies have made hitchhikers out to be the bad guy. I once watched a movie called “The Hitcher” and I think it was at that moment that my fear in hitchhikers began to root itself in my mind. By the way, I don’t recommend that movie, to anyone; ever, at all…EVER…so please don’t watch it. I watched it about a year ago, and to this day the images are still highly vivid in my memory. I think I actually repented after I saw that movie!

There was another reason as to why I was feeling a little fearful. After a few minutes of small talk about the weather, the man that I picked up asked if I was married…married! Why would he care to know whether or not I was married? Did he think I was a prostitute, and it was his job to just test the water a little bit? I quickly answered yes and even reached over to turn the music knob with my left hand (which just happens to hold my ring finger). He dropped the subject. Other than that though, he was fairly courteous and respectful. He said thank you when I dropped him off and wished me a Merry Christmas. So, all-in-all my first hitchhiker experience was a pleasant one.

Now all I have to do is fully redeem myself.

December 27, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | 4 Comments

The Complications of Bags

I apologize in advance as I realize that most men will not be able to relate to this blog post, unless of course you are male, and you carry a murse…. (a man purse), then you might…

I don’t know if any of you have noticed, but purses these days are just getting larger and larger. They aren’t even called purses anymore; they’re called bags…what does that tell you! The word ‘bag’ is associated with the word ‘big’. And while I believe that there is absolutely nothing wrong with big purses, because the bigger a purse is, the more books it can hold, the large size has its drawbacks.

Large purses are very hard to manoeuvre. Even if you expertly swing the purse onto your shoulder, chances are, it won’t stay. The purse will just slide down your arm until you either catch it with your hand or accidentally drop it in a puddle of water, spilling all its contents, cell phone and all…yes that has happened to me…recently.

Large purses may give a person the upper hand in finding large items like books and wallets, but try finding smaller items like Chap Stick or cell phones. I could probably make a pretty funny game show out of timing women while they plumage through their bags trying to find their lipstick! And let me tell you that it is not a fun task trying to find your cell phone while driving… yes I know that talking on a cell phone while driving is illegal…but try telling the habitual part of my brain that. I can hear it ringing, I can even feel it in my hand, but I just can’t grab it. It’s like the contents in my purse come to life whenever my hand goes in to grab something. The contents’ are probably secretly laughing at me while my hand unsuccessfully gropes around for them.

My purse, while it technically is not that large, is so large that I compare it with Narnia (The world that C.S. Lewis created in his Chronicles of Narnia series). When I reach my hand inside my purse I begin to feel the prickly cold needles of Narnia’s pine trees. I’m afraid that if I reach deep enough I’ll accidentally pull out Mr. Tumnus. What a fright that would be for him.

I can’t even tell you how frustrating it is when all you want is your chap stick, and yet all you can find is everything but that which you want. I’ve tried switching to smaller purses, but then I can’t fit in any books…what good is a purse if I can’t fit a book in it?

I wish that women had it as easy as men. As a man, all you carry, and all you need is in a simple little wallet. Lucky, lucky men.

December 23, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Clapping in Theatres and the Movie “Avatar”

I have a lot of pet peeves, which I’m sure if you’ve read all of my blogs, you know all about. One of the more recent pet peeves that I’ve had to suffer through is people clapping in a theatre after the movie is done. I can’t stand it for one reason and one reason only…the people who made the movie, and the actors and actresses who starred in it, are not there in the theatre with you! Essentially what all these people are doing is clapping to a screen! The screen is not alive in any way shape or form; it’s an inanimate object for crying out loud! The screen doesn’t know the difference between people clapping and people booing; it literally has no idea! And yet, people do this all the time, my own friends do this all the time! I know that it’s a way, in which they can let their fellow movie-goers know how much they loved the movie, but in my mind the fellow movie-goers could care less what you or I thought about the movie.

I recently watched the new movie Avatar by James Cameron, and no not the Avatar in which Japanese cartoon characters fly through the air kicking and punching one another, the other Avatar with the blue people. It was a great movie and people wanted to show their appreciation…by clapping. Honestly, I don’t know why it bothers me so much; it’s just one of those things I guess.

Some of my friends know that clapping in theatres bugs me, and so they do it all the more just to bug me. They find it funny, I find it unbearably annoying! It just doesn’t make any sense to me.

On a somewhat related note, I figured I would use this opportunity to tell you blog readers how good Avatar really is. I give it 9 out of 10. I wasn’t expecting too much when I walked into the theatre, because I didn’t want to get my hopes up for a movie I knew nothing about. But, as I walked out, I noticed that almost all of my thoughts revolved around that mysterious world called “Pandora”. The creativity of that world makes the movie for me. It honestly felt as though I had escaped Earth as I watched Avatar. I would highly recommend everyone see it.

…Just don’t clap at the end of it…for the sake of my sanity….

December 21, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Door-to-Door Carolling

I was thinking the other day about door-to-door carolling. Now, I don’t mind carolling or Christmas songs, but there’s something just strange about door-to-door carolling. Isn’t the idea of it just odd? Imagine what you would do if a group of singing strangers knocked on your door. You would stand in the doorway, probably in your socks and tee-shirt awkwardly listening to a group of strangers sing Christmas carols to you. The strong winter winds might be blowing snow into your face and all over your floors. They might even want you to join them in their jolly singing. If this situation happened to me, in which a group of carollers knocked on my door, I know that I would be cold and unsure of the proper way to respond.  Would it be proper of me to invite them in after for hot chocolate? And what if I don’t have any hot chocolate? Would they expect something in return like money for charity? Do I just smile and stand in the doorway swaying back and forth to the music, pretending to like it? And what if they want me to join in, how would I tell them ‘no’? And what do they do? Do they just sing and stare at me? A couple of minutes seems like an awful long time to be staring.

This is why I’ve never been carolling. I’ve had plenty of opportunities to go; most of them weren’t door-to-door though. I’ve had the chance to go carolling in an old folk’s home, but my fear of elderly people is a whole other issue that I could potentially blog about. Maybe if there was some sort of carolling etiquette, or carolling school, I would know the rules, and wouldn’t have to feel so scared of carollers ever approaching me. It’s a good thing that door-to-door carolling really only happens in the movies, normal people, like me, are way too scared of embarrassment and dying of the cold.

Is it just me, or do others find the idea of door-to-door carolling weird as well? Have you ever been carolling and how did you find the experience?

December 18, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | 3 Comments

The Hitchhiker

I was driving home from school on Monday evening and something happened that made me realize just how human I really am.

Normally when I drive I have someone with me; I find driving too boring and tiring without company. Now because I usually have a friend with me, when I see a hitchhiker standing by the side of the road I don’t even think about picking him or her up. I worry over the safety of my passengers. But, every time that I would drive by these hitchhikers, I would feel saddened over the fact that I could do nothing to help them. I’ve always wanted to pick up a hitchhiker, not because I have a death wish, but because I believe that it’s my duty as a follower of Christ to help wherever possible. We’re supposed to help people, are we not? What better way to help someone than to offer them a ride. So, I made a vow to myself. I said that the next time I was alone in a car and saw a hitchhiker, whether man or woman, I would stop and offer them a ride. For months an opportunity did not present itself. Every time after that, I continued to only see hitchhikers when I was with someone.

And then Monday evening happened. Like I said, I was driving home from school, and I had just finished writing an exam that I felt pretty good about, so naturally, I was in a good mood. I’m pretty sure that I was even singing to Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance”, which explains how good of a mood I was in. The roads were slick due to mist/rain, and a thick fog had just settled over the town of Windsor. As I was driving, and singing, I saw the opportunity that I had been waiting for. I was alone, and a hitchhiker standing by the side of the road had his thumb held high. He was a heavier set man, middle-aged, and wearing all black, with one of those golf like hats perched on top of his head. This was all I saw due to the fog silhouetting his body. And apparently, this was all I needed to see. Something in my mind took over and forced me to keep driving, fear, maybe? I wanted so badly to stop and give that man a ride, but instead I just kept on going. Even after ten minutes of driving, I still wanted to turn around and give that man a ride. How could I have gone back on my own vow?

I can’t even explain to you exactly how I feel over this situation. It seems that any hope that I had in myself to help people is diminished. Had I picked up that hitchhiker, both of our lives could have been altered and changed in some way. I could have told him about God, wished him a blessed Christmas. I could have helped him. It weighs so heavily on my heart that the whole way home I couldn’t stop thinking about him, and even now, the silhouette of this man holding his arm out strong and steady distracts all other thoughts. I can’t imagine that Jesus will say to me, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” I have failed my vow and failed the very purpose of Christianity. That man will haunt my dreams.

December 15, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | 2 Comments

A Horrible Way to Start off your Morning

There’s something highly unnerving about waking up to a stressful song in the morning. You know what I’m talking about; when that awful alarm clock turns on and the radio blares loudly with whatever song the radio has decided to play at the moment. Sometimes, and these mornings are always very relaxing, I awake to a beautiful and soothing song. And then there are other times when I awake to a horrible and stressful song. I attribute stressful songs in the morning as anything that doesn’t sound soothing; you be the judge. Now normally, in the day or evening, I don’t mind stressful songs, because as long as it’s not the morning, I don’t find songs stressful. I listen to rock, punk, and hip-hop, everything that I would define as stressful in the morning. But there’s just something different about rock/hip-hop songs in the morning. The blared electric and bass guitars, rough edged rocker voices, and possible autotune don’t do me well first thing in the morning.

One time, I awoke, not to find Sarah MacLauchlan’s beautiful and soothing voice singing, but exactly the opposite, the Beastie Boys. Yeah that’s right…the Beastie Boys. Now before I can go on and finish this blog, I need every person reading to hear the song that I awoke to on this particular morning. You don’t have to listen to the whole thing. In fact, I urge you not to listen to the whole thing, but I awoke to somewhere in the middle. So just click your mouse to the middle of the song, and at least listen to five seconds worth. And not the fast five seconds, but the long ones, one…Mississippi, two Mississippi, three…you get the point. I want you to endure the same torture I endured.

Now put yourself in my shoes, or lack thereof, (because I was in bed), but think about how my morning must have went. Yes, first thing in the morning I get awoken by my alarm clock and low and behold- the Beastie Boys. I don’t think I’ve ever moved so fast in the morning. I dove across the bed, slammed my hand on the off button and felt a quick sense of relief flooding through my head. Only, that split second of relief turned into horror not long after. I realized that the song was still playing! I must have missed the off button. Now I must search for the snooze button (which is a button I never press, and so it’s location is foreign to me). Ah! I finally find it and silence fills the air once again. Yet, even though I now had my precious silence, I also had a very bad start to my morning. I was cranky and moody the rest of the day, just because the Beastie Boys decided to bestow upon me their crap music. Thanks Beastie Boys, thank you very much.

Note to self: change radio station.

December 13, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | 5 Comments

A Slippery Slope

I’ve been trapped in my house these past three days, and will be trapped here for the next eight, because of exams. Now, normally I wouldn’t be placing so much pressure on myself to do well. Normally I go into an exam with having only crammed the night before. But, in regards to this semester, cramming was not an option. I have four courses, and two out of those four, I’ve been placing on the back burner. I neglected the lessons, didn’t read the required textbook readings, and didn’t really think about them at all. This happened, probably because my brain couldn’t handle these four courses being paired together. The other two courses took so much of my time and effort that I couldn’t physically, yet alone mentally, take on any more work. You may think that I’m a wimp for not being able to handle four courses, and think what you may, but some people just can’t handle too much at one time.

Because I’ve been reading and studying so much, which has developed into the pattern of three hours of studying in the morning, and three to four in the afternoon, I’ve become somewhat of a recluse. I don’t seem to want to go out and be social anymore. My friends had this cookie exchange night in which each person attending bakes a certain amount of cookies, and then you go home with a bag of cookies from everyone who attended, and I did not want to go. I wanted to sit at home and watch TV. I wanted to numb my brain in any other way than visiting my friends. Yet, after I went, I was so happy that I did. I had a great time, especially listening to one of my friends make funny noises every time she stabbed her fork into the communal pineapple bowl! It was a great time. And yet, the very next day I was back to my recluse self. I didn’t want to attend any more social outings. I wanted to sit at home and do nothing the rest of the week, neglect all my social duties and responsibilities and sit in solitude. I attribute these feelings to being alone for eight hours every day. After spending so much time alone it almost becomes a safety zone, in which I’m afraid to ever leave. I didn’t think that being alone and spending my time reading and studying would be such a lonely thing. Almost all of my thoughts revolve around what I just read, and how scared I am for my actual exams. Imagine cramming a whole semester’s worth of lessons and readings into five days, and then, not just one course, but two! It’s making me feel a sense of loneliness that’s completely new to me. And I don’t like it, not one bit. I’ve come to learn that loneliness is a slippery slope and if I’m not forced to get out of the house at all, it could eventually consume me.

December 11, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Bidding on the Church

I struggle with the modern day church. I wonder sometimes if it has become too focused on the glitter and glam of being biggest and best.

The church has many purposes; the most important is to teach one another about God. Another purpose that sits high on the importance metre is to bring people in. Without people, the church wouldn’t function. It would be an empty building with no use. Although, I think that too many people, when looking for a church to attend and belong too; focus too much on what it can offer them. Does this church have a Sunday school program? Does this church have an awesome band? Does this church have a play place like McDonald’s has? What about the idea of choosing to belong to a church because it doesn’t have what you want? What about choosing to attend a church because you know you can bring something to that church that it previously did not have?

In my opinion, it’s mainly the church’s fault. You see, they try to glitter themselves to the point where, yes, they have everything, but there’s nothing beyond that glitter. Are the people getting the spiritual food that they need, is it satisfying the need for love and community in everyone’s lives? It feels like we’re all in this huge room and there’s a man at the front bidding off the church. He’s yelling, “I got a church with a play place, cappuccino maker, underground parking garage, waterslide…going once, going twice…sold, to the person in the standing in the front!”  Is the church too concerned with pleasing everyone and including as much glam as possible that’s it’s forgotten about its main purpose, which is teaching people about God?

I just want to get back to the basics. The first churches were not comprised of hundreds of rooms and coffee makers. It was the people that made the church, the pure passion and love for Jesus Christ.

December 9, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | 5 Comments